Pleas for Pees

IMG_2754Every day on our walks we go through this long drawn out process and it’s time intensive. We’re talking about peeing today so if that grosses you out, well sorry, glad you at least stopped by the ‘ranch.’ I don’t think this is quite the same with female dogs as it is with males, but sheesh…dudes…why does it have to be such a freakin’ production?

Sam’s MO is to baptize every single living plant or angle he can hike his leg on, even if t’s just a drop or two. The first relieving session comes typically at the crack of dawn when it’s nice and cold as ice ‘crisp.’ If I don’t feel like dressing up like an Eskimo, I keep my fingers crossed that he goes out close to the driveway, finds the perfect spot right away and then…pees away. If he’s more inclined to wander around in the hunt for the ‘pawfect’ spot or wants to check out stuff, he’ll sniff, sniff…step his feet, circle, circle, sniff, sniff, step, step, step for several moments then ‘let ‘er rip (make that dribble away as the case may be). Obviously when the weather is temperate, it’s no big deal but when it’s cold, windy, rainy or snowy like it’s been this week, well it just means yours-truly ain’t a happy camper sporting a case of the shivers. Once he’s finished that first stream, he dashes back to the house and waits by the back door for re-entry. I have to maneuver up a slanted driveway, taking care not to slip or slide on my tuckus. He’ll look over his shoulder back at me as if to say. “Oh come on, hurry it up, it’s freezing out here!” Right! Like I didn’t know that while trying to keep on eye on you in the alley as you went merrily on recon for the ‘pawfect’ spot. Some days I just want to bean that knucklehead on his pointy little head and then he gives me his simultaneous pogo-stick bounce and hyper tail-wag. We go into the house and all is well again as we proceed with our regular morning routine (i.e. coffee, breakfast, etc.).

When we’re out on our extended walks during the day, it’s pretty much the same thing with him being on the leash.

It’s still sniff, sniff, sniff, step, step, step, circle, circle, “ahhhh.” This dog is so ritualized, I can set a clock to his activity. When some noise or other stimuli distracts him, his brain shuts down, he forgets what he’s doing and we just wasted the opportunity to pee but he’ll take it up again 10-20 steps down the street. The means, we’re on an endless loop of repeating the process, over and over till he ‘gets it just right.’ Argh!!!

In our neighborhood we have these narrow strips of landscaping on the outer side of the sidewalks before the street where trees, shrubs or flowers are planted (unless someone is crazy about grass, in which case I try to avoid those people at all costs-grass is waaaay overrated in our mountain desert climate and I just want to thump them on their forehead and say “do you realize how much water you’re wasting trying to keep that 3-1/2 x 50 ft. long section of grass alive?”… but I digress). Some people will mulch rocks around their trees. This morning, Sam absolutely had to check out the pee-mail at that tree and then as he’s taking a whiz, starts to slip and slide downward off the rocks (you may not be able to tell from the photo but there was a decided slope). When you’re a peeing tripod, this can be somewhat tricky. Bottom line, he nearly toppled over and biffed his nose. Naturally he stopped mid-stream. I, of course, being the sadistic mom I am laughed out loud at him as we walked away nearly tripping over a raised section of sidewalk (talk about karma equalizing everything!). Sam looked at me as if I’d pulled him down (but dear readers…I can assure you I did not). Then without skipping a beat, he happily caught another scent trail and that nose went straight down till he found the end point and we started the cycle all over again.

Sniff, sniff, sniff, step, step, step, circle, circle, circle, ahhhhhhh.

Does your dog have a ritual when it comes to peeing?

Live, love, bark! <3