Pleas for Pees

IMG_2754Every day on our walks we go through this long drawn out process and it’s time intensive. We’re talking about peeing today so if that grosses you out, well sorry, glad you at least stopped by the ‘ranch.’ I don’t think this is quite the same with female dogs as it is with males, but sheesh…dudes…why does it have to be such a freakin’ production?

Sam’s MO is to baptize every single living plant or angle he can hike his leg on, even if t’s just a drop or two. The first relieving session comes typically at the crack of dawn when it’s nice and cold as ice ‘crisp.’ If I don’t feel like dressing up like an Eskimo, I keep my fingers crossed that he goes out close to the driveway, finds the perfect spot right away and then…pees away. If he’s more inclined to wander around in the hunt for the ‘pawfect’ spot or wants to check out stuff, he’ll sniff, sniff…step his feet, circle, circle, sniff, sniff, step, step, step for several moments then ‘let ‘er rip (make that dribble away as the case may be). Obviously when the weather is temperate, it’s no big deal but when it’s cold, windy, rainy or snowy like it’s been this week, well it just means yours-truly ain’t a happy camper sporting a case of the shivers. Once he’s finished that first stream, he dashes back to the house and waits by the back door for re-entry. I have to maneuver up a slanted driveway, taking care not to slip or slide on my tuckus. He’ll look over his shoulder back at me as if to say. “Oh come on, hurry it up, it’s freezing out here!” Right! Like I didn’t know that while trying to keep on eye on you in the alley as you went merrily on recon for the ‘pawfect’ spot. Some days I just want to bean that knucklehead on his pointy little head and then he gives me his simultaneous pogo-stick bounce and hyper tail-wag. We go into the house and all is well again as we proceed with our regular morning routine (i.e. coffee, breakfast, etc.).

When we’re out on our extended walks during the day, it’s pretty much the same thing with him being on the leash.

It’s still sniff, sniff, sniff, step, step, step, circle, circle, “ahhhh.” This dog is so ritualized, I can set a clock to his activity. When some noise or other stimuli distracts him, his brain shuts down, he forgets what he’s doing and we just wasted the opportunity to pee but he’ll take it up again 10-20 steps down the street. The means, we’re on an endless loop of repeating the process, over and over till he ‘gets it just right.’ Argh!!!

In our neighborhood we have these narrow strips of landscaping on the outer side of the sidewalks before the street where trees, shrubs or flowers are planted (unless someone is crazy about grass, in which case I try to avoid those people at all costs-grass is waaaay overrated in our mountain desert climate and I just want to thump them on their forehead and say “do you realize how much water you’re wasting trying to keep that 3-1/2 x 50 ft. long section of grass alive?”… but I digress). Some people will mulch rocks around their trees. This morning, Sam absolutely had to check out the pee-mail at that tree and then as he’s taking a whiz, starts to slip and slide downward off the rocks (you may not be able to tell from the photo but there was a decided slope). When you’re a peeing tripod, this can be somewhat tricky. Bottom line, he nearly toppled over and biffed his nose. Naturally he stopped mid-stream. I, of course, being the sadistic mom I am laughed out loud at him as we walked away nearly tripping over a raised section of sidewalk (talk about karma equalizing everything!). Sam looked at me as if I’d pulled him down (but dear readers…I can assure you I did not). Then without skipping a beat, he happily caught another scent trail and that nose went straight down till he found the end point and we started the cycle all over again.

Sniff, sniff, sniff, step, step, step, circle, circle, circle, ahhhhhhh.

Does your dog have a ritual when it comes to peeing?

Live, love, bark! <3

29 thoughts on “Pleas for Pees

  1. We Terriers like to follow every scent and pee on everything too. It takes me 30 minutes to walk Mama 1 mile in the morning. It takes her 30 minutes for her to walk two miles ( she walks after she takes me ). She has only ever had male dogs, so she doesn’t know the difference in pee mail habits.

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      By Job…Sam must be part terrier! 😉

  2. Woof!
    I have experimented with sitting down while I pee but found that it doesn’t create such a splash as standing up. 🙂
    Woof woof!
    Robert the Pooch.

  3. When I was still living in Germany, I had a cat once, with a peeing ritual. Tammy never wanted to use his litter box, but go out into the street for his business. During the day, no real problem. But he needed to go in the night, too. So the he came into the bedroom and nuzzled me awake. Up I get, let him out of the apartment, and then I need to walk down the stairs with him, to let him out of the front door – no matter how cold the house is. I close the door, go back up the stairs and lie down, only to hear him about 5 minutes later to be let in again! Well, I did get used to that routine. I didn’t have to like it though, did I? But I must give him credit: he naver made a mess inside.

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      Oh the things we do for our pets!

  4. Kali’s a girl so as you suggest not so much. It’s pretty much squat and go. Sometimes we’ll be walking along our merry way at a pretty good clip and without notice she stops and squats looks at me as to say, “hold on a sec – I gotta go” and then were quickly back on our way.

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      BOL…just like most of us gals; we can usually go on a dime. 😉

  5. My Golden Life – Upstate South Carolina – I love animals, especially dogs. I enjoy US history, and reading biographies of our former presidents and other historical figures. I love the music of the '60s and '70s since I was growing up in those decades. I love the Beatles and Andy Williams equally.
    My Golden Life says:

    Ducky is usually pretty quick about getting her business taken care of. But Shadow has to sniff half the yard – which is about a third of an acre – so when the wind is blowin’ like it was last night, brrrr! And I was wearing a short-sleeve shirt!

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      I feel your goosebumps pain. ღ

  6. Oh yes I recognize a fellow sufferer. Barney has to pee up everything three times. The routine is something like ” run out of door to nearest pee friendly item, sniff, raise left back leg, pee, turn, raise right back leg, pee, turn, raise left back leg, pee”. We then go to the next thing along the path which is probably all of 2 feet away and repeat the procedure. Then to the next pot or wall and …well you get the picture. I never knew a dog had so much water in them. Now Bruce is the complete opposite. Out of door, rush to gate, sniff, rush to a tree, sniff, pee, rush back indoors, find the warmest spot. I can really sympathize with you

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      Relieving himself is one thing but the constant one, two drops is maddening especially when I’m standing in the dark without wearing a coat! [wink]

  7. Oh, those narrow strips of landscaping…aka “Hell Strips” if you speak Xeriscape! Don’t have a dog, so no dog peeing rituals, but could write a book about litter box rituals 🙂

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      YES…hell strips indeed. 😉

  8. Sand Spring Chesapeakes – Cambria, WI – My husband and I have six "furry" children Gambler, Glory, Guilty, Slammer, Gertie and one cat Bones and two furangel's Norman and Nellie. We breed Chesapeake Bay Retrievers. We are both avid hunters. We also enjoy competing with our dogs in hunt tests and field trials. That is where you can find us during the trial months which are April-September. When were not at a trial we are busy training our dogs. We go snow goose hunting in Canada each year and do all the hunting that Wisconsin offers.
    Sand Spring Chesapeakes says:

    It bugs me when it is really cold out when they just have to find the perfect spot. gads!

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      You know it!

  9. Genevieve Petrillo – I'm a teacher-turned-writer - Author of Keep Your Ear on the Ball (Tilbury, 2007) and What If I Don't? (Meegenius, 2014). I love doing school visits and author talks. My stories, poetry, and teaching ideas have been seen in many teachers' and children's magazines. In my free time, I volunteer with Ocean County Volunteers for the Blind and TheraPet.
    Cupcake says:

    Ha! Poor slippery Sam. Good catch, buddy. Mom lets me sniff, poop, and answer peemails for a few minutes, then she pops me out into the street where we walk “head up” without sniffing the rest of the way.

    Love and licks,
    Cupcake

  10. edgar62 – Semi-retired in South Australia. Interests are Music (Andre Rieu, Anna Netrebko) Reading (SciFi / Crime) and History Movies: The Day After Tomorrow, Casablanca, The Man Who Would be King Community: Secretary Support group, Royal Flying Doctor Service.
    edgar62 says:

    I have to admit that Benji is not too bad in that regard. He makes about every hundred yards – but then there are no trees or serious bushes in our walk, so he just does what he has to do when he feels like it’s a good spot to leave his mark – generally some little bunch of stray wild grass. And I agree about grass – we have no natural water supply in this part of the state ( actually we are the driest State in the Commonwealth of Australia) so water has to be pumped here from hundreds of miles away. We really should not be planting grass up here.

  11. Kismet – New River, Arizona. – I'm a 16 year old Indian Ringneck parrot curmudgeon in New River, Arizona in the wild west country. If you're a sunflower seed, you're dinner.
    Kismet says:

    Kaci and Kali (both females) have to find the right spot for their piddle and poo. You just can’t donate it anywhere. They also mark, just like a male.

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      The female I used to have could pee just about anywhere unlike ‘rent-a-space’ Sam who will pee over a spot for a set period of time then it’s off to find the next best spot.

  12. colinandray – S. Ontario, Canada – My profile photo is of Ray. Despite the fact that I had never had a dog in my life before him, and despite the fact that he carried more emotional baggage than I could ever imagine, he carved for himself a huge niche in my heart.
    colinandray says:

    Yup… unstable tripod would describe Ray. The thing is, he needs to let everybody know that he has been around and, if a new dog has left its “card”, then Ray really has to analyze the message! Look on the bright side though, with their nasal capacity being so huge, it takes them quite some effort to analyze scents so look at it as an integral part of an overall workout! 🙂

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      I just wish I didn’t have to freeze while the analyst is doing his work!

      1. colinandray – S. Ontario, Canada – My profile photo is of Ray. Despite the fact that I had never had a dog in my life before him, and despite the fact that he carried more emotional baggage than I could ever imagine, he carved for himself a huge niche in my heart.
        colinandray says:

        Well you don’t have to freeze… but you do have to dress appropriately for both the occasion and the weather! 🙂

  13. tippysmom2 – I adopted a puppy in 2013 and it has been an adventure ever since. My Facebook friends love her stories, so thought I would share with others as well.
    tippysmom2 says:

    Tippy doesn’t really have a ritual. Some days, she goes right away, and some days it takes her forever to find just the “pawfect” spot. I often wonder why one spot is preferred over another. It all looks like grass to me. Then there are the times when I know that she really needs to go, she’ll find that “pawfect” spot, squat, and then see or hear something and stop before she even starts. How does she do that?! She definitely does not have this old woman’s bladder. LOL

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      LOL! I know exactly what you mean. ღ

  14. exactly. The worst for me is we go thru the stupid ritual, finally the perfect place is found, and he gets distracted. Noooooooooo! If he even looks like he finally found the poop place, we become silent, slow down, hoping against hope it finally will come to pass and be over. LeeAnna

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      It’s finding that spot that takes so long. Luckily Sam isn’t usually distracted when he’s pooping. Thank heavens for small miracles! ღ

  15. easyweimaraner – brittany – Weimaraner /Braque de Weimar, born in 2009, male & fabulous From: Britanny / France Likes: Plushtoy-Shredding, Spikebones,long distance Walks, everyday a Gift, Chicken, Shoes, Underwear, my squeekie Pig & my whole Life Dislikes: Water, Cats, Beaf, Cats, cleaning my Ears, Cats, the Vet, Cats, Snow & CATS! Profession: Student of psychological War-technics & Terrorism, after my Masterdegree i become to rule the world or maybe to be the owner of toys r us. actually i'm not sure... Status: Single Pets: Hell, NO! i prefer a petfree home. but owner of two slaves for my comfy Misc.: Greencardowner for Masterbed, Master of Beggin, Prince of Thiefs We decided to leave Easy's datas as they were... although we lost him in november 2016, he is still with us.... and his little brothers Phenny and Nelly promised to write on not as Easy the weim, but as easy Weimaraner... About us: Mr. Phoenix, born 9/9/2016 a virgo and always clever&smart...Neilson, born 7/28/2017 a leo who thinks he is clever&smart...
    easyweimaraner says:

    I know that tripod problem… it can be tricky when you write a mail while seeing a pigeon, sparrow,leaf, whatever next to you :o) Easy always signs the trees from both sides, it is a challenge to run around the tree in circles till he finds the perfect pee-sition :o)

    1. Tails Around the Ranch – Denver, CO – The inspiration behind this blog was one knuckleheaded Standard Poodle named Sam but is now inspired by a House Pony-Wilson. I'm Monika, the upright. Living in the Denver metro area, we post about dogs, rescue and nature. So grab your favorite beverage and be prepared to howl along with our adventures. And don't forget to bark your 'pup-tacular' comment; we'd love to hear from you.
      Tails Around the Ranch says:

      These boy dogs are weird!

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