Pleas for Pees

IMG_2754Every day on our walks we go through this long drawn out process and it’s time intensive. We’re talking about peeing today so if that grosses you out, well sorry, glad you at least stopped by the ‘ranch.’ I don’t think this is quite the same with female dogs as it is with males, but sheesh…dudes…why does it have to be such a freakin’ production?

Sam’s MO is to baptize every single living plant or angle he can hike his leg on, even if t’s just a drop or two. The first relieving session comes typically at the crack of dawn when it’s nice and cold as ice ‘crisp.’ If I don’t feel like dressing up like an Eskimo, I keep my fingers crossed that he goes out close to the driveway, finds the perfect spot right away and then…pees away. If he’s more inclined to wander around in the hunt for the ‘pawfect’ spot or wants to check out stuff, he’ll sniff, sniff…step his feet, circle, circle, sniff, sniff, step, step, step for several moments then ‘let ‘er rip (make that dribble away as the case may be). Obviously when the weather is temperate, it’s no big deal but when it’s cold, windy, rainy or snowy like it’s been this week, well it just means yours-truly ain’t a happy camper sporting a case of the shivers. Once he’s finished that first stream, he dashes back to the house and waits by the back door for re-entry. I have to maneuver up a slanted driveway, taking care not to slip or slide on my tuckus. He’ll look over his shoulder back at me as if to say. “Oh come on, hurry it up, it’s freezing out here!” Right! Like I didn’t know that while trying to keep on eye on you in the alley as you went merrily on recon for the ‘pawfect’ spot. Some days I just want to bean that knucklehead on his pointy little head and then he gives me his simultaneous pogo-stick bounce and hyper tail-wag. We go into the house and all is well again as we proceed with our regular morning routine (i.e. coffee, breakfast, etc.).

When we’re out on our extended walks during the day, it’s pretty much the same thing with him being on the leash.

It’s still sniff, sniff, sniff, step, step, step, circle, circle, “ahhhh.” This dog is so ritualized, I can set a clock to his activity. When some noise or other stimuli distracts him, his brain shuts down, he forgets what he’s doing and we just wasted the opportunity to pee but he’ll take it up again 10-20 steps down the street. The means, we’re on an endless loop of repeating the process, over and over till he ‘gets it just right.’ Argh!!!

In our neighborhood we have these narrow strips of landscaping on the outer side of the sidewalks before the street where trees, shrubs or flowers are planted (unless someone is crazy about grass, in which case I try to avoid those people at all costs-grass is waaaay overrated in our mountain desert climate and I just want to thump them on their forehead and say “do you realize how much water you’re wasting trying to keep that 3-1/2 x 50 ft. long section of grass alive?”… but I digress). Some people will mulch rocks around their trees. This morning, Sam absolutely had to check out the pee-mail at that tree and then as he’s taking a whiz, starts to slip and slide downward off the rocks (you may not be able to tell from the photo but there was a decided slope). When you’re a peeing tripod, this can be somewhat tricky. Bottom line, he nearly toppled over and biffed his nose. Naturally he stopped mid-stream. I, of course, being the sadistic mom I am laughed out loud at him as we walked away nearly tripping over a raised section of sidewalk (talk about karma equalizing everything!). Sam looked at me as if I’d pulled him down (but dear readers…I can assure you I did not). Then without skipping a beat, he happily caught another scent trail and that nose went straight down till he found the end point and we started the cycle all over again.

Sniff, sniff, sniff, step, step, step, circle, circle, circle, ahhhhhhh.

Does your dog have a ritual when it comes to peeing?

Live, love, bark! <3

29 thoughts on “Pleas for Pees

  1. We Terriers like to follow every scent and pee on everything too. It takes me 30 minutes to walk Mama 1 mile in the morning. It takes her 30 minutes for her to walk two miles ( she walks after she takes me ). She has only ever had male dogs, so she doesn’t know the difference in pee mail habits.

  2. When I was still living in Germany, I had a cat once, with a peeing ritual. Tammy never wanted to use his litter box, but go out into the street for his business. During the day, no real problem. But he needed to go in the night, too. So the he came into the bedroom and nuzzled me awake. Up I get, let him out of the apartment, and then I need to walk down the stairs with him, to let him out of the front door – no matter how cold the house is. I close the door, go back up the stairs and lie down, only to hear him about 5 minutes later to be let in again! Well, I did get used to that routine. I didn’t have to like it though, did I? But I must give him credit: he naver made a mess inside.

  3. Kali’s a girl so as you suggest not so much. It’s pretty much squat and go. Sometimes we’ll be walking along our merry way at a pretty good clip and without notice she stops and squats looks at me as to say, “hold on a sec – I gotta go” and then were quickly back on our way.

  4. Ducky is usually pretty quick about getting her business taken care of. But Shadow has to sniff half the yard – which is about a third of an acre – so when the wind is blowin’ like it was last night, brrrr! And I was wearing a short-sleeve shirt!

  5. Oh yes I recognize a fellow sufferer. Barney has to pee up everything three times. The routine is something like ” run out of door to nearest pee friendly item, sniff, raise left back leg, pee, turn, raise right back leg, pee, turn, raise left back leg, pee”. We then go to the next thing along the path which is probably all of 2 feet away and repeat the procedure. Then to the next pot or wall and …well you get the picture. I never knew a dog had so much water in them. Now Bruce is the complete opposite. Out of door, rush to gate, sniff, rush to a tree, sniff, pee, rush back indoors, find the warmest spot. I can really sympathize with you

  6. Oh, those narrow strips of landscaping…aka “Hell Strips” if you speak Xeriscape! Don’t have a dog, so no dog peeing rituals, but could write a book about litter box rituals 🙂

  7. Ha! Poor slippery Sam. Good catch, buddy. Mom lets me sniff, poop, and answer peemails for a few minutes, then she pops me out into the street where we walk “head up” without sniffing the rest of the way.

    Love and licks,

  8. I have to admit that Benji is not too bad in that regard. He makes about every hundred yards – but then there are no trees or serious bushes in our walk, so he just does what he has to do when he feels like it’s a good spot to leave his mark – generally some little bunch of stray wild grass. And I agree about grass – we have no natural water supply in this part of the state ( actually we are the driest State in the Commonwealth of Australia) so water has to be pumped here from hundreds of miles away. We really should not be planting grass up here.

  9. Kaci and Kali (both females) have to find the right spot for their piddle and poo. You just can’t donate it anywhere. They also mark, just like a male.

  10. Yup… unstable tripod would describe Ray. The thing is, he needs to let everybody know that he has been around and, if a new dog has left its “card”, then Ray really has to analyze the message! Look on the bright side though, with their nasal capacity being so huge, it takes them quite some effort to analyze scents so look at it as an integral part of an overall workout! 🙂

  11. Tippy doesn’t really have a ritual. Some days, she goes right away, and some days it takes her forever to find just the “pawfect” spot. I often wonder why one spot is preferred over another. It all looks like grass to me. Then there are the times when I know that she really needs to go, she’ll find that “pawfect” spot, squat, and then see or hear something and stop before she even starts. How does she do that?! She definitely does not have this old woman’s bladder. LOL

  12. exactly. The worst for me is we go thru the stupid ritual, finally the perfect place is found, and he gets distracted. Noooooooooo! If he even looks like he finally found the poop place, we become silent, slow down, hoping against hope it finally will come to pass and be over. LeeAnna

  13. I know that tripod problem… it can be tricky when you write a mail while seeing a pigeon, sparrow,leaf, whatever next to you :o) Easy always signs the trees from both sides, it is a challenge to run around the tree in circles till he finds the perfect pee-sition :o)

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