Category Archives: Elsa Speaks

Weekend Shenanigans

Woo-hoo…it’s the weekend. Elsa here. Mom didn’t post yesterday because her youngest sister was in town from Texas and her family got together again. She was celebrating her 40th anniversary but I’m not sure what an anniversary is exactly. A day is just a day for us dogs. I politely asked stole the blog so I could share life as I see it. While that goofball brother was slacking off in the living room, I snuck back in the bedroom before mom had a chance to make her bed. Sure, I heard her calling me and looking all over but decided I needed a few more 💤. Besides, I’m a Standard Poodle and have my own agenda. Getting up early on Saturday wasn’t on it.

Why she giggled at me, I have no idea. Sometimes mom is as silly as Sam. Maybe he gets his dopiness from her? Anyway, we hope you all have a ‘furbulous’ weekend!

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Manic Monday

Elsa here. Hope you all at least had a good weekend. I was subjected to hideous torture and abuse. No, my mom didn’t punish me for eating another brand new sock, no it was much worse than that. Let me explain.

Mom took me for a ride. Normally that’d be a good thing because I like car rides, but I was all alone. The numskull brother didn’t get in the car with me. What’s up with that? Should have known something was up by taking a head count. So after 87 minutes of driving we arrived at a somewhat familiar parking lot. “Hmm, I think I’ve been here,” I thought. We got out of the car and started to go for a walk around the various stores. It was sprinkling a tiny bit but it felt good; for a change, the sun wasn’t beating down on my overly long black fur coat.

After a nice walk, we walked into the pet store where Rebecca greeted us. Uh-oh. Oh yeah, now I remembered this place. This is the fur-stealing store!!! Rebecca was nice but I was nervous. She’s always patient and gentle with me and lets my mom stay in case I have a seizure so she can work on making the nasty Epi-monster go away quickly. We went into the Chamber of Horrors Secrets and she got me up on the rack grooming table all primed to torture me. This recent photo doesn’t really show how bushy and long my fur coat was. Notice the panic panting tongue? Yeah, I’m stressed. I mean, wouldn’t you be. I’m standing there being a good girl while a fur theft was going on and my mom was helping commit the crime!!!  Mom forgot to take a good pic showing off my luxurious fur coat of the muppet fur, here’s one from the beginning of June before taking me on the ride to hell.

 

This is a few minutes into the theft.

Notice the ‘I’m not the slightest bit amused and almost pleading look I gave my mom. Believe it or not, she ignored me. The nerve! Kept saying some load of crap about ‘how good I was’ and ‘how pretty I was.’ Bah…I was being robbed and tortured right before her eyes and she’s blathering on about pretty? WTH?! So clearly pleading eyes didn’t seem to affect her cold, hollow heart, so then I decided to ignore her. She gets freaked out if I’m not fussing and fawning over her all the time. Then I moved to Plan B – playing hard to get. But alas, all she and Rebecca did was drag me over to the waterboarding area where the torture continued.

I still can’t fathom why she allows all this obscene torture. What kind of mother does that anyway, huh? Haven’t a been a good girl? Ok, so I ate a few socks and chewed up a few pairs of reading glasses along the way. Don’t we all? Normally you’d think uprights weren’t so vindictive, but apparently that’s not the case with my mom. I had to quickly move on to Plan C.

 

Switching strategies, I went into full on ‘poor, pitiful me’ looks. Clearly my charm and ‘je ne sais quoi’ qualities didn’t matter one bit. If waterboarding wasn’t bad enough, there was that terrible hideous machine that sounded like an airplane was taking off. I nearly lost all the remaining furs on my body I was so scared!

My terrified expressions didn’t seem to matter so this girl had to resort to more devious action. I thought I’ll just move to the back side of the torture tub where she can’t reach me with that foul hair dryer. Just like I do at home. Heh, heh.

Alas, foiled again. Guess I forgot about long cords, though given half a chance next time…maybe we can add that to the list of things I’ve munched in the past. Just kidding, mom. Sort of.

After two hours of torture and still not completely dry, Rebecca released me into my mother’s custody where she whisked me back to safety. I remember exiting the grooming shop with a “Best in Show” prance and my head and tail held high, never looking back at the people who ogled over me while mom paid for the torture grooming session. Seriously, you uprights pay real money to torture us?

When I bounced out of the car once we arrived home, I rushed in to share my tale of woe to the useless brother who is supposed to protect me. I distinctly heard him chortle as he rushed past me to greet mom, not even bothering to get the details of my ordeal. Just wait until next month when he goes to hospital. I’ll be first to “nah, nah, nah, nah, nah” him. It will serve him right too…couldn’t happen to a dumber doofus.

Now this is the face of a happy dog! Much like Martin Luther King, I howled, “Free at last, free at last, thank gawd almighty, I’m free at last.” I’m still a tad soggy here but with about 87 pounds less fur according to mom and Rebecca. They said something about making sweaters from all my fur. Pfft…you’d be so lucky.

My only question now is…what time is dinner? How do you cope with extreme ‘pawrental’ torture?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

 

Bone Jour

Welcome to our first co-authored experiment! Hi there, Sam and Elsa here.

Sam: You already know me, I’m that handsome pet therapy dude.

Elsa: Well yes, true enough. Now me…well, I’m the smart one.

Sam: Hey…I’m smart too, sister.

Elsa: Right…whatever gets you through the night, bro. Anyway…we wanted to share a new recipe mom found from Rachel Ray recently. You know Rachel and how much she lovvves her doggies!

Sam and Elsa together in 2-part harmony: So without further adieu, let’s ‘Unleash the Quiche!’

Photo courtesy of Rachel Ray Magazine

Mini-Ham, Cheese and Spinach Pup Mini Quiche from Rachel Ray’s Kitchen*

Sam: Ok kids, let’s get started. First thing, preheat your oven to 350º and find your mini-muffin tins. Elsa, did you find those muffin tins yet?

Elsa: Got ’em! You’ll need to spray your muffin tins to keep them from sticking (or use paper cups to line). I’d do it, but I don’t have a thumb. Ooooh Mo-mmm, we need your help!

Sam: After your mom sprays the tins, combine in a small bowl these ingredients, mix 2 TBSP each of chopped ham, grated Swiss cheese and thawed drained frozen spinach, dividing equally among the muffin cups.

Elsa: Um, you know Mom is a vegetarian, right brother? Where we gonna find ham around the Ranch?

Sam: Mom will modify the recipe to account for the fact that she has no ham. We’re sharing the recipe with ham for everyone else. Maybe one day she’ll make an exception and pick up a small piece of ham steak for us. Paws crossed…hint, hint, mom.

Elsa:  It’s ok for me, I love veggies. Maybe she’ll add my favorite…green beans. Then in a medium bowl, whisk 4 eggs with 1/4 cup milk. Divide the egg mixture evenly among the cups.

Sam: Bake until golden brown and cook through, about 20 minutes depending on the size of your tins. Makes about 12 mini’s.

Elsa: How easy is that? Now ‘ham it up’ brother and let’s go dig our paws into this tasty brunch meal!

Mom here interrupting this co-authored post by making a cameo appearance: If you make this up, let us know what you think. Our version will be slightly modified since, as noted by the ‘smart one,’ meat is an unknown commodity around our vegetarian lifestyle Ranch.

[* The recipe was reviewed by the ASPCA. Every pet is different so be sure to check with your veterinary professional to make sure the recipe is suitable in your case.]

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Theft Tuesday

Hello, is this the police department? It’s me, Elsa, the Ninja. I wish to report a theft. Over the weekend there was a conspiracy with my mom to steal my furs! Mom has been saying that I looked like a Muppet but she never said they would steal my furs!

Police Dispatcher: Um, ma’am…we don’t handle that kind of theft. I think you better take it up with your mom.

Me: Well I never! Maybe you guys can tell me what to do about this highway robbery?!

Since mom brought me home 8 months ago, she’s been trying to keep my luxurious coat looking it’s best. I let her trim me up a couple of times but it just isn’t my cup of kibble to have the water works, clipper and hairdryer so mom has been using scissors lately, but I’m so over her feeble attempts.

Luckily my big brother told me what to expect since he donated his furs earlier in the week so he could work at the hospital. He’s used to it and both mom and the groomer say he’s a good boy at it. Pfft! Good boy, ha…that’s laughable. He’s so dumb he just doesn’t know any better. Resist, I say!!

Should have figured out there was something rotten in Denmark going on since I got to go for a ride by myself. So here I am with Rebecca (Sam’s groomer when mom doesn’t spiff him up). She nice and all and I liked her, but I mean, criminy…she seems a bit too happy making me nekked with scissors, clippers and a hair drying that sounded like it was going to take off Yikes!! Oh sure, she  seems all nice and everything, but people…come on…she’s stealing my filthy beautiful furs! What does she need them for, I ask? They don’t keep her warm. And they don’t go with her red hair. I think my expression say it all  (even if you can’t  see my eyes for all the fur).

There was a girl who had ‘a little curl…right in the middle of her forehead’

But it got worse. I had to endure water on top of the theft! I was willing to drip dry, then Rebecca said we should ‘just try the dryer out’ to see how I’d do. I’ll tell you how I’d do. I’d freaked out…that’s how I’d do. But actually, truth be told, I didn’t do too badly according to Rebecca who let mom stay with me just in case I had a seizure from the stress. She talked nicely to both me and mom and said I was a good girl and only got upset when the dryer was close to my ears.

After the drying, Rebecca finished up the detail work and spiffed me up nicely. She even removed that little curl in the middle of my forehead. Her and mom couldn’t stop laughing about that. Wish I sure knew what was so dang funny about it? More stolen fur if you ask me!

All and all it wasn’t the worst thing to happen and I do smell really good now if I say so myself and mom can’t stop hugging on me. Even my dimwit brother has been checking me out, catching a sniff here and there. Mom got a new bandana out and said hot pink went pawfectly with the new shiny trimmed furs. Waddu think? Look, I even have eyeballs!

I’m still keeping the police on speed dial, just in case we have to go through this theft business again any time soon. At least my toys comforted me. Have you been a victim of this kind of crime?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

We should have known better

And yet…mom remains ever hopeful. Elsa here. Mom made some toys for me a couple of months ago to add to my pile of stuffies and chewies. She had hoped that by having a variety I’d be less inclined to destroy destuff them.

Second one in 3 days

She’s starting to think the rescue group was completely off base when they identified me as a purebred Standard Poodle and that I’m actually a Ninja alligator (or beaver) determined to eviscerate all manner of things. Then again, I suggest that maybe I’m a designer trying to improve on their appearance and function we don’t need any stinking beaks, legs, arms, heads. I mean, really…do cats or mice really need ears?

Feet and ears are clearly unnecessary

But it’s not like I don’t forewarn the toys about what is coming. I stand over them and bark my head off give them fair warning. “Let the evisceration redesign begin!” Lately she mentioned something about a DNA test to confirm her suspicions about what species I am, not what breed. It doesn’t sound like a good thing for me so I’m lying low for a while until I spot the next pair of glasses, socks or slippers.

A small portion of the carnage


Luckily I’m pretty cute when I’m lying low so I think I’m safe. For now, that is.

 

 

 
Is your fur-child a stuffie ‘re-designer’ or an alligator?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Sam here. Although our lineage is German, we happily (ok, not so happily but we were tolerant) participated in the ‘wearing of the green’ for St. Patrick’s Day for mom’s sake. We had to work fast, Elsa tried hard to eat the garland. The parade and official celebration were last weekend, but any one knows that St. Patrick’s Day on a Friday will surely have some corned beef and cabbage along with a beer or two for local leprechauns.

Got any special plans for this holiday? Erin Go Bragh. ☘️ Here’s to a great weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Live, love, bark!  ❤︎

Monday Musings

Hello everyone, it’s me Elsa…fabulous Ninja sister to Sam. I stole the blog from my naive brother by flipping a coin for it. Unfortunately he lost. I won (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah). Anyway, even though I won the coin flip gotta love those two sided coins, I promised it would only be a short post.

My mom complains says I’m too hard to photograph because I’m a black dog. Even in a well lite location my gorgeous facial features disappear especially if my fur is a little long. So after she whined about not being able to see my face yet again when I was chillin’ yesterday, I told her I would fix it. Well, what do you think?

The cross black dogs must bear

The cross black dogs must bear

As you can tell we had a nice relaxing weekend, how about you? Do anything exciting?

Live, love, bark!