Category Archives: Elsa Speaks

Model Monday

Puppies take the field for Puppy Bowl XIV. Animal Planet Discovery Communications Inc
DCL Photo Shoot PUPPY BOWL XIV [credit: Damian Strohmeyer/Animal Planet]

Hey effurry-one…it’s me, Elsa. Hope you had a pawsome weekend watching Puppy Bowl XIV  (highlights here) or even Super Bowl LII game. How ’bout those high-flying Eagles? Whoa…what an amazing game. And half-time…JT still has it. What a great couple of games and some interesting commercials. All in all, it was a great Sunday for football.

Anywho…mom kind of went off the reservation this weekend, holing up in her studio and making 87 bandanas. I don’t know what got into her. She said something about fabric being on sale. Whatever. One second she was catching up on blog posts and giving me ear scratches, then the next minute she was on all paws cutting fabric out. I tried to get her to let me help but she said I don’t have any thumbs and wouldn’t be of any assistance. Little does she know I didn’t want to help her with her project, I just wanted to get in the way while she was on the floor. Cuz that’s just the way I roll.

So after what seemed like a million hours at her sewing machine, she pushed her chair away and says “BAM! 💥 I’m done!” O-kay. What’s done, I thought? Then she said, “oh, Elsa, come heeere. I want you to model some bandanas for me. When I looked over that pile, I said “what…are you nuts?” I’m a poodle, not a Kardashian.” Umm, I don’t think so! So she gets all sad and says I don’t appreciate her work so I finally say, “Oh, alright then. I’ll wear ONE!” She’s starts protesting again and I replied, “look, it’s one or none, your choice.”

Naturally my goofball brother comes bouncing in about then and says, “Oooh, oooh…I’ll do the modeling!” I kind of accidentally’ stepped on his tail then. Gosh, what a brown nose! The last thing he’d want to do is let mom dress him up the rest of the afternoon endlessly tying scarves around his neck and taking countless photos of him. Trust me, I did him a favor. You’re welcome, Knucklehead.

So he ‘reconsiders’ and says, “umm yeah, well maybe not all of them.” So, long story short, she has us pick out one. I mean, I’m super glad to have new scarves-I mean a girl can never have too many new clothes, right? But that whole walk down the paw-way while she’s trying to figure out which ones go best with our fur, umm…no thank you.

I woof you’ too, mom.

Live, love, bark❣

Monday Mutts

Image courtesy of Pinterest because mom’s not fast enough

Well it finally happened. Hiya. Elsa here.  It should have happened weeks ago but finally and thankfully…Denver is under a Winter Storm Warning for snow, ice, high winds, and low visibility with blizzard conditions for the eastern plains. Can I get an Amen, brother!? Speaking of brothers, Sam wasn’t that keen about going out to potty in this white stuff and I confess, I too had some reservations initially. But Mother Nature (and snow zoomies) called, so who am I to refuse that pressure?

Denver is experiencing one of the driest winters ever as are the various ski areas in the state. Statewide snowpack was 58% of normal. That’s scary if you are a ski resort, people! That graphic pretty much says it all. Even Hawaii experienced a blizzard before Christmas last month with Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa receiving up to two feet of snow.

Courtesy of the Mauna Kea Observatory

Mom said some of you have already experienced some major snow and cold lately but this is rather new this season (unless you count those few days in December when it was bitter cold but with no snow). Mostly we’ve been experiencing breaking days with many perennials still blooming in December. What the dog?!

How was your weekend weather? Anything exciting happening out there while we’re snuggling up on the sofa?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Weekend Shenanigans

Woo-hoo…it’s the weekend. Elsa here. Mom didn’t post yesterday because her youngest sister was in town from Texas and her family got together again. She was celebrating her 40th anniversary but I’m not sure what an anniversary is exactly. A day is just a day for us dogs. I politely asked stole the blog so I could share life as I see it. While that goofball brother was slacking off in the living room, I snuck back in the bedroom before mom had a chance to make her bed. Sure, I heard her calling me and looking all over but decided I needed a few more 💤. Besides, I’m a Standard Poodle and have my own agenda. Getting up early on Saturday wasn’t on it.

Why she giggled at me, I have no idea. Sometimes mom is as silly as Sam. Maybe he gets his dopiness from her? Anyway, we hope you all have a ‘furbulous’ weekend!

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Manic Monday

Elsa here. Hope you all at least had a good weekend. I was subjected to hideous torture and abuse. No, my mom didn’t punish me for eating another brand new sock, no it was much worse than that. Let me explain.

Mom took me for a ride. Normally that’d be a good thing because I like car rides, but I was all alone. The numskull brother didn’t get in the car with me. What’s up with that? Should have known something was up by taking a head count. So after 87 minutes of driving we arrived at a somewhat familiar parking lot. “Hmm, I think I’ve been here,” I thought. We got out of the car and started to go for a walk around the various stores. It was sprinkling a tiny bit but it felt good; for a change, the sun wasn’t beating down on my overly long black fur coat.

After a nice walk, we walked into the pet store where Rebecca greeted us. Uh-oh. Oh yeah, now I remembered this place. This is the fur-stealing store!!! Rebecca was nice but I was nervous. She’s always patient and gentle with me and lets my mom stay in case I have a seizure so she can work on making the nasty Epi-monster go away quickly. We went into the Chamber of Horrors Secrets and she got me up on the rack grooming table all primed to torture me. This recent photo doesn’t really show how bushy and long my fur coat was. Notice the panic panting tongue? Yeah, I’m stressed. I mean, wouldn’t you be. I’m standing there being a good girl while a fur theft was going on and my mom was helping commit the crime!!!  Mom forgot to take a good pic showing off my luxurious fur coat of the muppet fur, here’s one from the beginning of June before taking me on the ride to hell.

 

This is a few minutes into the theft.

Notice the ‘I’m not the slightest bit amused and almost pleading look I gave my mom. Believe it or not, she ignored me. The nerve! Kept saying some load of crap about ‘how good I was’ and ‘how pretty I was.’ Bah…I was being robbed and tortured right before her eyes and she’s blathering on about pretty? WTH?! So clearly pleading eyes didn’t seem to affect her cold, hollow heart, so then I decided to ignore her. She gets freaked out if I’m not fussing and fawning over her all the time. Then I moved to Plan B – playing hard to get. But alas, all she and Rebecca did was drag me over to the waterboarding area where the torture continued.

I still can’t fathom why she allows all this obscene torture. What kind of mother does that anyway, huh? Haven’t a been a good girl? Ok, so I ate a few socks and chewed up a few pairs of reading glasses along the way. Don’t we all? Normally you’d think uprights weren’t so vindictive, but apparently that’s not the case with my mom. I had to quickly move on to Plan C.

 

Switching strategies, I went into full on ‘poor, pitiful me’ looks. Clearly my charm and ‘je ne sais quoi’ qualities didn’t matter one bit. If waterboarding wasn’t bad enough, there was that terrible hideous machine that sounded like an airplane was taking off. I nearly lost all the remaining furs on my body I was so scared!

My terrified expressions didn’t seem to matter so this girl had to resort to more devious action. I thought I’ll just move to the back side of the torture tub where she can’t reach me with that foul hair dryer. Just like I do at home. Heh, heh.

Alas, foiled again. Guess I forgot about long cords, though given half a chance next time…maybe we can add that to the list of things I’ve munched in the past. Just kidding, mom. Sort of.

After two hours of torture and still not completely dry, Rebecca released me into my mother’s custody where she whisked me back to safety. I remember exiting the grooming shop with a “Best in Show” prance and my head and tail held high, never looking back at the people who ogled over me while mom paid for the torture grooming session. Seriously, you uprights pay real money to torture us?

When I bounced out of the car once we arrived home, I rushed in to share my tale of woe to the useless brother who is supposed to protect me. I distinctly heard him chortle as he rushed past me to greet mom, not even bothering to get the details of my ordeal. Just wait until next month when he goes to hospital. I’ll be first to “nah, nah, nah, nah, nah” him. It will serve him right too…couldn’t happen to a dumber doofus.

Now this is the face of a happy dog! Much like Martin Luther King, I howled, “Free at last, free at last, thank gawd almighty, I’m free at last.” I’m still a tad soggy here but with about 87 pounds less fur according to mom and Rebecca. They said something about making sweaters from all my fur. Pfft…you’d be so lucky.

My only question now is…what time is dinner? How do you cope with extreme ‘pawrental’ torture?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

 

Bone Jour

Welcome to our first co-authored experiment! Hi there, Sam and Elsa here.

Sam: You already know me, I’m that handsome pet therapy dude.

Elsa: Well yes, true enough. Now me…well, I’m the smart one.

Sam: Hey…I’m smart too, sister.

Elsa: Right…whatever gets you through the night, bro. Anyway…we wanted to share a new recipe mom found from Rachel Ray recently. You know Rachel and how much she lovvves her doggies!

Sam and Elsa together in 2-part harmony: So without further adieu, let’s ‘Unleash the Quiche!’

Photo courtesy of Rachel Ray Magazine

Mini-Ham, Cheese and Spinach Pup Mini Quiche from Rachel Ray’s Kitchen*

Sam: Ok kids, let’s get started. First thing, preheat your oven to 350º and find your mini-muffin tins. Elsa, did you find those muffin tins yet?

Elsa: Got ’em! You’ll need to spray your muffin tins to keep them from sticking (or use paper cups to line). I’d do it, but I don’t have a thumb. Ooooh Mo-mmm, we need your help!

Sam: After your mom sprays the tins, combine in a small bowl these ingredients, mix 2 TBSP each of chopped ham, grated Swiss cheese and thawed drained frozen spinach, dividing equally among the muffin cups.

Elsa: Um, you know Mom is a vegetarian, right brother? Where we gonna find ham around the Ranch?

Sam: Mom will modify the recipe to account for the fact that she has no ham. We’re sharing the recipe with ham for everyone else. Maybe one day she’ll make an exception and pick up a small piece of ham steak for us. Paws crossed…hint, hint, mom.

Elsa:  It’s ok for me, I love veggies. Maybe she’ll add my favorite…green beans. Then in a medium bowl, whisk 4 eggs with 1/4 cup milk. Divide the egg mixture evenly among the cups.

Sam: Bake until golden brown and cook through, about 20 minutes depending on the size of your tins. Makes about 12 mini’s.

Elsa: How easy is that? Now ‘ham it up’ brother and let’s go dig our paws into this tasty brunch meal!

Mom here interrupting this co-authored post by making a cameo appearance: If you make this up, let us know what you think. Our version will be slightly modified since, as noted by the ‘smart one,’ meat is an unknown commodity around our vegetarian lifestyle Ranch.

[* The recipe was reviewed by the ASPCA. Every pet is different so be sure to check with your veterinary professional to make sure the recipe is suitable in your case.]

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

Theft Tuesday

Hello, is this the police department? It’s me, Elsa, the Ninja. I wish to report a theft. Over the weekend there was a conspiracy with my mom to steal my furs! Mom has been saying that I looked like a Muppet but she never said they would steal my furs!

Police Dispatcher: Um, ma’am…we don’t handle that kind of theft. I think you better take it up with your mom.

Me: Well I never! Maybe you guys can tell me what to do about this highway robbery?!

Since mom brought me home 8 months ago, she’s been trying to keep my luxurious coat looking it’s best. I let her trim me up a couple of times but it just isn’t my cup of kibble to have the water works, clipper and hairdryer so mom has been using scissors lately, but I’m so over her feeble attempts.

Luckily my big brother told me what to expect since he donated his furs earlier in the week so he could work at the hospital. He’s used to it and both mom and the groomer say he’s a good boy at it. Pfft! Good boy, ha…that’s laughable. He’s so dumb he just doesn’t know any better. Resist, I say!!

Should have figured out there was something rotten in Denmark going on since I got to go for a ride by myself. So here I am with Rebecca (Sam’s groomer when mom doesn’t spiff him up). She nice and all and I liked her, but I mean, criminy…she seems a bit too happy making me nekked with scissors, clippers and a hair drying that sounded like it was going to take off Yikes!! Oh sure, she  seems all nice and everything, but people…come on…she’s stealing my filthy beautiful furs! What does she need them for, I ask? They don’t keep her warm. And they don’t go with her red hair. I think my expression say it all  (even if you can’t  see my eyes for all the fur).

There was a girl who had ‘a little curl…right in the middle of her forehead’

But it got worse. I had to endure water on top of the theft! I was willing to drip dry, then Rebecca said we should ‘just try the dryer out’ to see how I’d do. I’ll tell you how I’d do. I’d freaked out…that’s how I’d do. But actually, truth be told, I didn’t do too badly according to Rebecca who let mom stay with me just in case I had a seizure from the stress. She talked nicely to both me and mom and said I was a good girl and only got upset when the dryer was close to my ears.

After the drying, Rebecca finished up the detail work and spiffed me up nicely. She even removed that little curl in the middle of my forehead. Her and mom couldn’t stop laughing about that. Wish I sure knew what was so dang funny about it? More stolen fur if you ask me!

All and all it wasn’t the worst thing to happen and I do smell really good now if I say so myself and mom can’t stop hugging on me. Even my dimwit brother has been checking me out, catching a sniff here and there. Mom got a new bandana out and said hot pink went pawfectly with the new shiny trimmed furs. Waddu think? Look, I even have eyeballs!

I’m still keeping the police on speed dial, just in case we have to go through this theft business again any time soon. At least my toys comforted me. Have you been a victim of this kind of crime?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎

We should have known better

And yet…mom remains ever hopeful. Elsa here. Mom made some toys for me a couple of months ago to add to my pile of stuffies and chewies. She had hoped that by having a variety I’d be less inclined to destroy destuff them.

Second one in 3 days

She’s starting to think the rescue group was completely off base when they identified me as a purebred Standard Poodle and that I’m actually a Ninja alligator (or beaver) determined to eviscerate all manner of things. Then again, I suggest that maybe I’m a designer trying to improve on their appearance and function we don’t need any stinking beaks, legs, arms, heads. I mean, really…do cats or mice really need ears?

Feet and ears are clearly unnecessary

But it’s not like I don’t forewarn the toys about what is coming. I stand over them and bark my head off give them fair warning. “Let the evisceration redesign begin!” Lately she mentioned something about a DNA test to confirm her suspicions about what species I am, not what breed. It doesn’t sound like a good thing for me so I’m lying low for a while until I spot the next pair of glasses, socks or slippers.

A small portion of the carnage


Luckily I’m pretty cute when I’m lying low so I think I’m safe. For now, that is.

 

 

 
Is your fur-child a stuffie ‘re-designer’ or an alligator?

Live, love, bark! ❤︎