Monday Moanings

[An open letter to the dogs on a Monday from a questioning huMom]

Dear Canoids,

Is it just because you’re ‘canoids‘ or because you’re too smart for your own good poodle selves that makes you do things in a contrary way designed to negatively impact the Ranch upright?

“W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R more are talking about?” said two innocent-looking faces. Umm, how about Exhibits A and B. We received about 6-9 inches of snow. In our mountain desert (aka Denver) snowfall is always calculated in a range of inches. Why? It’s called wind. Not the Wizard of Oz kind, but definitely the kind that can impact the measurement of snow. And in keeping with those ‘flexible’ numbers, you guys seem to take matters in your own paws. As in where you like to poop…you know in the deepest possible snow. Oh…and as far away from the sidewalk as possible. Usually just a few inches past the leash length which requires hiking out to the ‘dumping’ grounds. Snow in that mound is nearly always double in-depth and often the most desirable location for the 4-pawed tribe. Note previous tracks checking it out by the Ranch crew.

EXHIBIT A ~ Apart from the depth, this spot would have actually worked compared to Exhibit B.

But no, that wasn’t good enough for my sweet dogs who manage to take it to a ‘nother level, aka Exhibit B. They seem to assume there are extra points for doing it in places that are next to impossibly difficult for an upright to get in and responsibly clean up after. Seriously, Elsa…do you really have to go into the area where there are the lowest possible hanging limbs or shrub rose branches to stab me in the head and/or legs? Trust me when I say there. are. no. extra. points!! Demerit points, yes.

Exhibit B ~ Otherwise known as the bestest dumping ground.

Do I look like a 3-foot tall Hobbit who wears armadillo like armor?! Don’t answer that.

And what’s with this thing about ALWAYS having to scamper around behind my back after I’ve picked up after you, crossing the streams a la Ghostbusters style twisting the leashes, stretching the bum shoulder and providing way too many close calls at toppling the not-as-flexible as Gumby upright as she extracts herself from the dwarf forest? Do you know how hard it is to keep the leashes untangled in gloves with hands that are freezing, trying to hold on to some semblance of order, all the while juggling a poop bag whose smell could raise the dead that needs to be off loaded in a trash bin ASAP? Seriously, you never seem to have a problem with crossing in FRONT of me inside the house. WTH?!

Signed,
Your loving huMom

Do your guys go ‘contrarian’ on you when it comes to conducting their number 2 business?

Live, love, bark❣

82 thoughts on “Monday Moanings

  1. It’s how dogs keep us humble!! LOL
    Avalon enjoys taking me on a little run before she does her business. I feel like a kite trying to get off the ground as she bounces me along behind her at full speed until she comes to an abrupt halt, causing me to almost lose my footing! :p

    the critters in the cottage xo

  2. When are the humans going to understand that pooping is important business and we won’t just poop anywhere?! Oh sure … they think that just because we won’t poop in water, we’re not discriminating. THINK AGAIN! ~Bear Cat

  3. BOL! Yes – Dad will shovel nice paths and large areas for us and then we go out into the snow to do our business!
    hugs
    Hazel & Mabel

  4. So true!
    It’s almost like dogs are the descendants of long ago explorers, searching for the furthest corners of the map in order to . . umm . . do their thing.

      1. Yes I agree! I love the battle, and I love trying to predict what my opponent is going to do next and how I might respond to it. When I get outfoxed, it eats at me. I’ll give props, but I want a rematch, lol.

      2. Owning a dog guarantees many rematches but I’ve learned half the fun is losing to a lovable mutt who probably has no clue they just outfoxed you. They just saw a means to an end that was on their agenda. Standard Poodles in particular, are just too darn clever for their own good. But if I’m gonna ‘lose’ I couldn’t find a better opponent. 😊

      3. I’m with you on that!
        I can lose to ’em every day of the week and twice on Sunday and it’s just fine. I want the rematch, but in their case, it’s just so’s I can learn something. From them, lol.

  5. Your dogs are hilarious! They get extra points for giving you material for a funny post! My dogs only go “contrarian” on me when it’s time to pick it up. Then, they act as if they might get cold tootsies if they stay with me while I pick it up. They attempt to drag me to the nearest walkway while I’m attempting to do my pickup duties. Thank goodness that we live in the woods so I don’t have to pick up all that often! (yes, we mountain people are bad because there’s so much open land around us…)

  6. OMD, I LOOOOOVES makin’ things difficult for Ma like that!!!! Nows, you knows we don’t have snow, so I gots to get creative. Hence, the poopie in the bush. or the ivy. or the tall weeds. you gets the picture! Though, the bush is my fave! yuppers, it sometimes consists of a three-legged stance to gets ‘just the right angle’, so the poopie is deeeeep into the said bush. It is a skill not recommended for the ammature. I am a pawfessional, and Ma is a pawfessional HBO mumbler….
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

  7. My boys only leave a mess when I don’t have bags with me, like the middle of training class or right outside the groomer. I think they sniff for plastic before they go, those stinkers.

  8. My dogs like to circle behind me any time I pause during a walk. That way the the leash encircles me and keeps me from walking when they pull. I think they are trying to murder me! The old blind dog is very adept at this maneuver.

  9. Oh my god! It looks so beautiful! Less so when picking up poop, no doubt. Portia loves to make up hillsides, sometimes steep. Really. To pick it up I have to park her somewhere before I scramble to retrieve it on all fours.

  10. I feel such a fraud here responding to this post since I never have any of these problems. Benji walks well beside me, poops where it’s easy to clean and never tries to trip me up. My only concern is that from time to time he suddenly takes off just about pulling my arm out of its socket. The reason – well about 87 miles away there is one single blade of grass – there’s nothing near it, just that blade of grass and he develops an overwhelming urge to pee on that blade of grass. Having satisfied himself that the blade of grass is suitable watered, he reverts back to the calm, walk beside me Benji again and my arm quietly recovers.

  11. This is so funny! I think some less-than-ethical uprights look forward to winter snow as an excuse to NOT clean up after their dogs. Remembering some winter walks on the Ralston Creek Toilet, um, I mean Trail!

  12. I don’t know. I think they might be having a contest to see who can make you go in the most difficult spot to pick up after them. So maybe there ARE points, and probably even extra points for twisting you around into a pretzel (mine like to see how far apart they can stretch me by walking in opposite directions!) LOL

  13. BOL!!!! My humom totally understands…I’m the good pup, I do it close to the sidewalk or trail/path so it’s easy access for our humom. But Nymeria on the other hand…loves to go in hidden places (where she feels safe to do her business) so our humom has to trek into the trees to go pick it up!

  14. Sam and Elsa are both clearly smart enough to understand and appreciate your concern and should comply with your wishes. After all You bring home and cook the bacon. Having said that do you really want to undermine this sibling collaboration and teamwork? 😉. My circumstances are much different and easier with the girls. We send them out on their own and they do their thing getting right to it. Kali is so good that she practically pees and poops on demand if I tell her too. If I could only teach them how to pick up after themselves…

  15. sounds like a humom condition. Milo seems to fight having to poop. He gets agitated before, running even then stopping on a dime, circling back and forth in a 5 foot area til just the right moment. Then around here I have to dodge the previous dog poop no one picked up to pick his up. And I’ve now decided if he does it in snow, at least it’s easy to pick up. Ice? not so easy to manage.

  16. I have a cat with IBS. When it flares we can smell it immediately through out the whole house (the litter boxes are in the basement). I’m always tempted to call the EPA for a toxic waste dump check. I’d love for her to go outside but she’s not an outdoor cat.

  17. Be happy you have poodles and not birds. We poop where ever we want. Sometimes it’s from the top of a tree and the poop lands on a branch that’s only a foot down but 20 feet from the earth. You’d have to get out your poop bag and climb.

  18. Pardon me my dear friend – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter – okay. It’s out now. I have to admit us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson try to make mom move like a contortunist in the tightest places. It’s actually fun to us…. oinks!!! XOXO – Bacon

      1. Snorts and oinks!! Well you see with mom, it’s a contest to see how many times she can moan about her aching hips in moving in such impossible movements in between bushes and such. It’s kind of like anipal/human twister. Now doesn’t that put a picture in your mind? XOXO – Bacon

    1. The ‘dog’ yard is basically an oversized dog run that runs the length of the house about 10 feet wide so walks tends to be the time when they do ‘business.’ Sam rarely poops in his yard. He’d prefer to do it near a walkway where it starts to go toward a house. With the homeowner watching #ohthatdog!

  19. maybe she wants to make sure that no one steps into that symbol of good luck when
    it is placed at a place hard to reach ? well at least then you are the only one who can win the lottery jackpot tonight ;O))) very clever elsa ;O)))))))

  20. I have read similar tales from Colin about Ray and underneath bushes. My two angels never do anything like that (looking up for lightening clouds).

  21. Hmmm, Benji tries his best to only do his number 2 in his own yard. Ms Zulu dumps it wherever. It always amazes me how much comes out of such a small dog. No snow here so we can always find it…

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