Elsa encountered some stomach upset yesterday in the living room (I know…hard to believe given all the things she’s eaten over the years). Apparently (1) she does NOT have a cast iron stomach as once thought and (2) napkins don’t digest very well. My question is why do dogs intuitively race over to the carpet to up-chuck? Especially when they’re sitting on hardwood floors several feet away. Oye.
For the record, she’s fine, just a ‘tiny’ bit obsessed with eating grass. Who knew grass acts like ginger ale for canine tummies?
Here’s hoping any accidents you encounter this week are minor. Try to stay cool.
We hope you survived the 4th. Clearly there were no supply chain problems when it came to obtaining fireworks if last night was any indication. Booms were very loud and steady until shortly after 1:00 AM. It’s simply inconceivable so many people were so thoughtless. While I understand wanting to have fun and celebrate, blowing up loud fireworks nonstop, well into the night seems beyond excessive or necessary.
But enough of the past, it’s a new week with a clean slate, so let’s begin it with a smile.
Here’s hoping your favorite scent remains available. Have a ‘pawsome’ Monday.
So I was walking the dogs a couple of days ago and noticed a bunch of young guys had hopped the closed and padlocked playground at the neighborhood elementary school. They obviously have whistled past their ability to continue to deal with shelter in home restrictions. I just shook my head. Not sure what’s worse. Not wearing masks or ignoring social distancing rules.
Even the pandemic’s official animal observes those protocols. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making light of the current situation. It’s definitely serious and not a laughing matter but it seems that gallows humor is becoming more and more prevalent in dealing with these unprecedented times. Around the Ranch, we’re still observing social distancing and wonder if those who are wearing masks are smiling back at me or silently mouthing “stupid Boomer” while I hopscotch back and forth across the street maintaining social distancing. When you have a dog like Norman who simply invites being pet and totally enjoys it, it’s hard to act nonchalant while maintaining appropriate social distance. For his part, Norman doesn’t seem to understand why people can’t shower him with attention these days.
So how are you coping? Has your state ramped up relaxed restrictions? Has shopping for groceries become easier? Is life moving back toward the ‘old normal?’ The Ranch-hands want to know when passersby are going to start petting them again.
Some serious excitement around the Ranch today. Elsa literally cornered a squirrel near the back door and there were several minutes of it trying to escape the poodle jaws of death while she was trying desperately to figure out why she couldn’t climb up the brick exterior like the squirrel did. I finally managed to corral her as the squirrel figured out how to reach the rooftop and dash away to the safety of the maple tree where he proceeded to hurl insults at us from 25 feet up. He then started stripping small twigs and flinging them on the ground in a tantrum. Sheesh dude, lay off the caffeine. Oh, to have been able to capture that mayhem in a photo. Snap!
Should have figured it was a sign of more sinister things to come.The lovely folks at PayPal have shut down our e-shop account so no orders can be filled at this time. I suspect it relates to the CBD listing but am attempting to resolve it and will advise once the shop has reopened. The joys of trying to be a small business person in a modern e-commerce society.
In the meantime, how about a little humor? Humor can turn that upside down frown into a smile and lord knows I can use one this morning (nothing like sitting on a few hundred dollars that you can’t access). I thought we’d all enjoy the Indian Hills sign from the small mountain town located just west of Denver in the foothills. Indian Hills is a quirky little community who is fortunate enough to have some guy with a clever sense of humor who changes the roadside sign at the community center periodically from timely public announcements and meetings to some funny memes. It is locally famous and draws tourists to catch up with the fun.
Colorado native and community center volunteer, Vince Rozmiarek began the funny signs over 5 years ago as an April Fools stunt. When my daughter and her family lived there a few years ago, she was even the recipient of birthday wishes being posted on the sign. She and her husband had been members of the volunteer fire department and were well-known in the community. For other smiles, you can see more signs here on their Facebook page.
We hope your challenges are few and easily resolved this week. Elsa in particular, hopes everyone has success catching their neighborhood nemesis.
Every New Year’s Eve mom gathers us to have ‘the talk’ where she goes over, for the umpteenth time, “rules for poodles.” Elsa here. “Like we’ve heard it all before, mom.” Besides, we know “poodles rule” anyway. This year I decided to beat her to the punch before she starts whining waxing on about her stupid rules.
🦴 Yes, mom, we know it’s called a walk. In Doglish we think that means a ‘sniff’ and a leisurely one at that when the temperatures are extra cold. Chilled leaves and grass smell much different, trust us.
🦴 Of course we know that minding our leash manners is impawtant for everyone’s safety and that it’s not necessary to dash after every cat or squirrel we encounter. Don’t blame us…explain the rules to the cats and squirrels. We know exactly what to do. Can we help it if they don’t want to ‘chat’ with us?
🦴 Walking exercises. Sometimes the sidewalk ends and we have to walk out in the street so Sam and I think that’s the pawfect time to extend our leashes in opposite directions so you have to rein us in. It’s called upper arm strengthening exercises. Have you looked in the mirror lately and checked out that flab dripping off your triceps like a wet bag of mice? You’re welcome.
🦴 As for when you’re picking up our poop, we’ve got other things on our minds. And most often that involves walking behind you to get our bearings. you’re on your own. 💩 Besides, I always thought moms had eyes in the back of their heads to keep an eye out on us. Guess I got that wrong.
🦴 Follow the leader to us in Doglish means something more like that cool Fleetwood Mac song…Go Your Own Way. Oh sure, you’re barking ‘heel’ but you need to start thinking of Sam more like Lindsey Buckingham. They’re both weirdos.
🦴 Yes, we pestered you to take us for a walk and jumped around like pogo sticks till we left and then s-l-o-w-l-y meandered around on said walk like we could care less. It’s called a poodle agenda. Sheesh, don’t you ever read the editor meeting memos where we clearly spelled that out?
🦴 In the winter when sunlight on our early walks isn’t in plentiful supply, we are quite sure that shadow we saw IS too a serial killer, therefore barking is imperative for everyone’s safety. The neighbors need to get up and get to work anyway.
🦴 And while we’re on the topic of safety, I know for a fact that all Akitas will trigger insanity on my part. You can call it racial profiling if you like, but blame the next door Akita, not me. He’s already proved that he would tear down the fence if he could. I know his crazy MO and will act accordingly whenever we encounter others of the same breed, irrespective if they’re nice or not. I gotta let all dogs know not to mess with this Chica. Us Ninjas have a reputation to uphold. Maybe you should think about carrying more treats in your pocket for distraction purposes. Just saying.
🦴 Nose nudging while you’re trying to paint. Hey, we’re just improving your lame artwork. Picasso probably had interns, so chill. If you painted with acrylics instead of those unforgiving watercolors, you could save yourself a lot of aggravation. Then again, if you petted us enough, we wouldn’t need to remind you.
There are probably other areas where we rule, but am sure when you least expect it, we’ll be sure to remind you so that you might eventually ‘get it,’ by pointing out who really rules around the Ranch. That’s called training, woman and you need lots of it.
We wish everyone a Happy New Year. Let us know when we’re gonna pop open the Dog Perignon, Sam and I will get the hors d’oeuvres ready for ringing in 2019 with some serious style.
