Category Archives: Humor

Monday Musings ~ December 31, 2018

Every New Year’s Eve mom gathers us to have ‘the talk’ where she goes over, for the umpteenth time, “rules for poodles.” Elsa here. “Like we’ve heard it all before, mom.” Besides, we know “poodles rule” anyway. This year I decided to beat her to the punch before she starts whining waxing on about her stupid rules.

🦴 Yes, mom, we know it’s called a walk. In Doglish we think that means a ‘sniff’ and a leisurely one at that when the temperatures are extra cold. Chilled  leaves and grass smell much different, trust us.

🦴 Of course we know that minding our leash manners is impawtant for everyone’s safety and that it’s not necessary to dash after every cat or squirrel we encounter. Don’t blame us…explain the rules to the cats and squirrels. We know exactly what to do. Can we help it if they don’t want to ‘chat’ with us?

🦴 Walking exercises.  Sometimes the sidewalk ends and we have to walk out in the street so Sam and I think that’s the pawfect time to extend our leashes in opposite directions so you have to rein us in. It’s called upper arm strengthening exercises. Have you looked in the mirror lately and checked out that flab dripping off your triceps like a wet bag of mice? You’re welcome.

🦴 As for when you’re picking up our poop, we’ve got other things on our minds. And most often that involves walking behind you to get our bearings. you’re on your own. 💩  Besides, I always thought moms had eyes in the back of their heads to keep an eye out on us. Guess I got that wrong.

🦴 Follow the leader to us in Doglish means something more like that cool Fleetwood Mac song…Go Your Own Way. Oh sure, you’re barking ‘heel’ but you need to start thinking of Sam more like Lindsey Buckingham. They’re both weirdos.

🦴 Yes, we pestered you to take us for a walk and jumped around like pogo sticks till we left and then s-l-o-w-l-y meandered around on said walk like we could care less. It’s called a poodle agenda. Sheesh, don’t you ever read the editor meeting memos where we clearly spelled that out?

🦴 In the winter when sunlight on our early walks isn’t in plentiful supply, we are quite sure that shadow we saw IS too a serial killer, therefore barking is imperative for everyone’s safety. The neighbors need to get up and get to work anyway.

🦴 And while we’re on the topic of safety, I know for a fact that all Akitas will trigger insanity on my part. You can call it racial profiling if you like, but  blame the next door Akita, not me. He’s already proved that he would tear down the fence if he could. I know his crazy MO and will act accordingly whenever we encounter others of the same breed, irrespective if they’re nice or not. I gotta let all dogs know not to mess with this Chica. Us Ninjas have a reputation to uphold. Maybe you should think about carrying more treats in your pocket for distraction purposes. Just saying.

🦴 Nose nudging while you’re trying to paint. Hey, we’re just improving your lame artwork. Picasso probably had interns, so chill. If you painted with acrylics instead of those unforgiving watercolors, you could save yourself a lot of aggravation. Then again, if you petted us enough, we wouldn’t need to remind you.

There are probably other areas where we rule, but am sure when you least expect it, we’ll be sure to remind you so that you might eventually ‘get it,’ by pointing out who really rules around the Ranch. That’s called training, woman and you need lots of it.

We wish everyone a Happy New Year. Let us know when we’re gonna pop open the Dog Perignon, Sam and I will get the hors d’oeuvres ready for ringing in 2019 with some serious style.

Live, love, bark! 🐾

Monday Moanings

With a lot of recent political news about bans, etc. this kind of suggests that perhaps a few too peeps may be drinking some lousy coffee, to which I say ‘drink some of the good stuff, people.’ It’ll make you and those around you feel better! Don’t be bitter. Be happy.

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Live, love, bark! <3

Wordless Wednesday

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Hoping your day is typo-less.

Live, love, bark! <3

Wordy Wednesday

Hey there Thanksgiving Day fans. Sam here. Mom is under the weather but she wanted me to be sure and tell everyone we wish them a super-duper Thanksgiving. We hope your ‘howliday’ is grand. A special note to any birds out there…Woof! Don’t say I didn’t give you fair warning.

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Live, love, bark! <3

Fab Friday

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Dare I call this good news given my earlier post in the week? Bwahaha.

Here’s hoping our good friend, Wine shows up later today. Onward toward the weekend!

Live, Love, Bark! <3

 

One of Those Wednesdays

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Ever have one of those days? I keep asking myself why is it Apple has to ‘update’ its operating software all the time, yet it can’t seem to ‘fix’ the darn auto-correct function so I don’t look a moron half of the time? Hope your midweek is going well and is fast forwarding on toward Friday when our friend Wine drops by.

Live, love, bark! <3

Monday Moanings

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Hope you had a good weekend and that there will be sufficient caffeine today and throughout the rest of the week.

Live, love, bark! <3

Friday called…

Friday called, she’s coming soon to usher in the weekend. And I heard she’s bringing the wine. In the meantime, here’s a smile to get this puppy started! Wishing you and yours a terrific weekend.

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Live, love, bark! <3

Saturday Smile

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Yesterday was a bit of a red-letter day around the Ranch. When our mail lady and the pizza delivery guy came by, neither Sam or Elsa barked. Wait, what?? Whoa, maybe the girl is a good influence on him after all. Here’s hoping your weekend is nice and quiet with loads of relaxation to accompany incredible weather. It’s going to be back in the 80s…I’m beginning to think it’s endless summer in the Mile High. Happy weekend.

Live, love, bark! <3

Wordy Wednesday

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Sam here. Ever notice how uprights have a double standard when it comes to us dogs? Remember…keep your eyes on the path and not on your social media so we can both enjoy our walking time together.

Live, love, bark! <3