Because mom was so preoccupied with multiple trips to see my grandma during her multi-week hospitalization, Elsa and I decided to take matters into our paws on the resolution front. Sam here. Mom doesn’t generally do resolutions thinking they usually aren’t kept for long and are a waste of time. We, on the other hand, are all about resolutions because we know we can keep them. Too bad mom doesn’t have enough discipline like us brilliant poodles.
Knowing that mom worked in the legal field for 87 years, we thought we’d codify our resolutions in a nice legal-beagle kind of way. That way she’ll be sure to understand where we’re coming from, right? Here are our resolutions for 2018.
Sam’s 2018 Resolutions
I, Yosemite Sam, chief knucklehead at the Ranch (the “Knucklehead”) do hereby swear, affirm and warrant to keep the following resolutions as they relate to making life interesting for our mom (the “Upright”). Therefor…
RESOLUTION 1
BE IT RESOLVED, Knucklehead resolves to continue his bad leash manners, especially during the winter months. This means I reaffirm to wrap the leash behind her legs as soon as she prepares to clean up after me on all walks at every opportunity and to poop in the deepest possible pile of snow presuming we ever get any;
RESOLUTION 2
BE IT RESOLVED, Knucklehead agrees to continue to stretch the leash as far away as possible from Upright’s bad shoulder by splaying toes for better balance and digging in with strong legs. Knucklehead further resolves to resist any leash correction while sniffing on walks;
RESOLUTION 3
BE IT RESOLVED, as a male who must show dominance at all times, Knucklehead affirms he will continue to hover over his sister whenever she tries to pee on the off-chance said Knucklehead might get away with peeing on her; and finally
RESOLUTION 4
BE IT RESOLVED, Knucklehead, in accordance with the terms of the Poodle Doctrine, affirms and resolves to abandon all previous training with respect to leash pulling during all sniffing sessions. There will be no loose leash walking for said Knucklehead in those areas where there is no sidewalk to safely walk. Said Knucklehead plays a mean game of chicken and is not a wuss and is clever enough to try to walk in front of cars because it freaks out Upright despite knowing said Upright repeatedly threatens to rip off head of Knucklehead when he moves too far away from Upright’s side.
Subscribed and sworn to this 16th day of January, 2018.
Yosemite Sam 🐾
Elsa’s 2018 Resolutions
I, Elsa, Fearless Ninja at the Ranch (the “Ninja”) do hereby swear, affirm and warrant to keep the following resolutions as they relate to making life interesting for our mom (the “Upright”). Therefor…
RESOLUTION 1
BE IT RESOLVED, Ninja will continue to be a scrappy girl whenever a runner approaches us, especially when said runner is running with a dog and will always keep Upright guessing as to how I will react when encountering another dog on any walk;
RESOLUTION 2
BE IT RESOLVED, Ninja will continue to look for non-edible edibles, i.e. reading glasses and items from the pantry shelves and reminds Upright to make allowances as Ninja was a puppy mill dog for years and doesn’t know better.
RESOLUTION 3
BE IT RESOLVED, Ninja will take every opportunity to cross leashes and always walk behind Upright’s back on walks because it makes Upright grumble with HBO words while getting twisted up; and finally
RESOLUTION 4
BE IT RESOLVED, Ninja affirms and warrants she will continue to be a twirling dervish as Upright attempts to hitch up the harness for walks. Ninja knows Upright enjoys it given all of her giggling which seems to encourage Ninja’s tail wagging and weaving through legs.
Subscribed and sworn to this 16th day of January, 2018.
Elsa, the Fearless Ninja 🐾
Did you or your pup make any resolutions for 2018?
[Mom here with a comment. Now I know why Lady Justice is blind; she had poodles too.] On the plus side, they always manage to resolve to be adorable and sweet without trying.
Live, love, bark! ❤︎