Monday Musings ~ December 31, 2018

Every New Year’s Eve mom gathers us to have ‘the talk’ where she goes over, for the umpteenth time, “rules for poodles.” Elsa here. “Like we’ve heard it all before, mom.” Besides, we know “poodles rule” anyway. This year I decided to beat her to the punch before she starts whining waxing on about her stupid rules.

🦴 Yes, mom, we know it’s called a walk. In Doglish we think that means a ‘sniff’ and a leisurely one at that when the temperatures are extra cold. Chilled  leaves and grass smell much different, trust us.

🦴 Of course we know that minding our leash manners is impawtant for everyone’s safety and that it’s not necessary to dash after every cat or squirrel we encounter. Don’t blame us…explain the rules to the cats and squirrels. We know exactly what to do. Can we help it if they don’t want to ‘chat’ with us?

🦴 Walking exercises.  Sometimes the sidewalk ends and we have to walk out in the street so Sam and I think that’s the pawfect time to extend our leashes in opposite directions so you have to rein us in. It’s called upper arm strengthening exercises. Have you looked in the mirror lately and checked out that flab dripping off your triceps like a wet bag of mice? You’re welcome.

🦴 As for when you’re picking up our poop, we’ve got other things on our minds. And most often that involves walking behind you to get our bearings. you’re on your own. 💩  Besides, I always thought moms had eyes in the back of their heads to keep an eye out on us. Guess I got that wrong.

🦴 Follow the leader to us in Doglish means something more like that cool Fleetwood Mac song…Go Your Own Way. Oh sure, you’re barking ‘heel’ but you need to start thinking of Sam more like Lindsey Buckingham. They’re both weirdos.

🦴 Yes, we pestered you to take us for a walk and jumped around like pogo sticks till we left and then s-l-o-w-l-y meandered around on said walk like we could care less. It’s called a poodle agenda. Sheesh, don’t you ever read the editor meeting memos where we clearly spelled that out?

🦴 In the winter when sunlight on our early walks isn’t in plentiful supply, we are quite sure that shadow we saw IS too a serial killer, therefore barking is imperative for everyone’s safety. The neighbors need to get up and get to work anyway.

🦴 And while we’re on the topic of safety, I know for a fact that all Akitas will trigger insanity on my part. You can call it racial profiling if you like, but  blame the next door Akita, not me. He’s already proved that he would tear down the fence if he could. I know his crazy MO and will act accordingly whenever we encounter others of the same breed, irrespective if they’re nice or not. I gotta let all dogs know not to mess with this Chica. Us Ninjas have a reputation to uphold. Maybe you should think about carrying more treats in your pocket for distraction purposes. Just saying.

🦴 Nose nudging while you’re trying to paint. Hey, we’re just improving your lame artwork. Picasso probably had interns, so chill. If you painted with acrylics instead of those unforgiving watercolors, you could save yourself a lot of aggravation. Then again, if you petted us enough, we wouldn’t need to remind you.

There are probably other areas where we rule, but am sure when you least expect it, we’ll be sure to remind you so that you might eventually ‘get it,’ by pointing out who really rules around the Ranch. That’s called training, woman and you need lots of it.

We wish everyone a Happy New Year. Let us know when we’re gonna pop open the Dog Perignon, Sam and I will get the hors d’oeuvres ready for ringing in 2019 with some serious style.

Live, love, bark! 🐾

68 thoughts on “Monday Musings ~ December 31, 2018

  1. Favorite: In the winter when sunlight on our early walks isn’t in plentiful supply, we are quite sure that shadow we saw IS too a serial killer, therefore barking is imperative for everyone’s safety. The neighbors need to get up and get to work anyway. Yes, mine would say the same! Nice job!

    1. Thank you! Elsa has a spot of attitude at times. She’s really a bit of a pill. 😊

    1. You know…those lumps that hang from women of a certain age group’s triceps. 😉

  2. MOL oh Sam an Elsa LadyMew iss laffin like a wild woman!!! Her faverite rule iss Walkin Xercisess…THE arm commintss made her choke on her tea!!! Thanx fore a furry funny post!!!
    Good Luck walkin Miss Monika! 😉
    **purrsss** BellaDharma

    1. EVERY year around the Ranch is a Year of the Dog. 😊 And we don’t mind one whit.

    1. Thank you, John We send our very best wishes for a happy and wonderful 2019. Along with a whole bunch of tail wags. (( )) 😊

  3. Well, for the first time ever Annabell and I had no humans around us to bring in the New Year. We did have Benji and we stilt have Dougal, so we were not entirely alone and since this is Australia, the custom of “First Footing” is not part of the Australian scene – not too sure if it still happens in Glasgow – the Ninja would have made a great First Foot – Tall, Dark and Handsome. Did get a Text message from John and one from Andrew. John is working and Andrew was on call, so that was good. The Rules sound interesting. If I had rules one of them would be doing something about Benji snoring. Anyway, Happy New Year to you all – welcome to 2019, I hope it will be a great year for everyone, poodles included, of course..

    1. A barking good 2019 to you all. Elsa could probably teach sweet Benji a couple of songs on the snoring front. That girl sounds like a fireplace bellows most of the night! 💤

  4. You’re in charge and I think the mom knows that. She also knows all these rules. Not to worry.

    Have a woof woof Awww Monday and a very happy and healthy New Year. My best to your peeps. ♥

  5. WOL, we need rules like that at headquarters! I think that I need extra staff to implement it.Sending you lots of love and wagging tails from all of us at headquarters. Benji

  6. That’s a heckofalotta rules… You Poodles seem to be high maintenance. And what is up with all the barking?

    Just teasing! Wishing you all, including Monika, a most Happy and wonderful New Year!

    Lotsa love,
    Zeke and Dale

    1. High maintenance? Umm, yeah…probably, but worth every second of it. Here’s to a pawsome 2019 for you both!

      1. He he he! Well… you are a poodle, isn’t that how you guys roll? I’m cool with that coz you’re good peeps!
        Here’s to a pawsome 2019 to you and Ninja and especially Monika, coz Dale says she’s more than good peeps 😉

  7. thanks Elsa, that was clear. I think I got it this time. Let you do what you want, when you want to do it.
    Makes perfect sense to me.
    wet bag of mice… lol…. this explains why I’m uneven… only one poodle.
    As to the nosing… oy… Milo is so strong he throws my arm in the air! When I look down he is all innocence. LeeAnna

  8. That set of rules seems quite reasonable Elsa. NOT! And it’s not right to implicate your brother in your scheme. He had nothing to do with the pawning of those rules. You’ve heard it over and over again during the past two years. No collusion. Just fake rules and again, no collusion! HNY from The Golden K.

    1. Awk!! Pawrents prevailing? Now that’s just all kinds of wrong. Uprights need to let dogs rule, no if’s, and’s or buts about it! Happy New Year’s, Millie and Walter. Hope 2019 is a year of prevailing for you.

    1. Many thanks for the well wishes. We hope your 2019 is filled with much goodness with loads of smiles.

  9. Elsa, You are too funny. At least you are TRYING to explain to your mom your point of view on these issues. Tippy and I wish you all a very happy and healthy 2019, with lots of petting, walks, and treats.

  10. Elsewhere, I think you and Mom have come to something called an em pass. You will never agree on these rules, or who’s in charge. Maybe you could take turns? Happy New Year to the whole Ranch crew.

    1. Perhaps that’s what mom needs to learn to accept…her place…and stop whining about it. BOL

    1. Too short of a post. Mom just needs to learn to happily live under our paw! Happy 2019 😊

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